Am I just procrastinating...

Or is there a point to all this navel-gazing?

After the floods, this morning brings the first real frost of 2024. There was a satisfying crunch as I walked over the ground, the frozen earth giving way. Distant traffic noise carried on the cold, still air. As I turned onto the farm track, frozen stories lay at my feet; boot prints, paw marks, deer tracks…moments in time, transient…dissipating at the first hint of a thaw. A solitary magpie flew up into the air, disturbed by my approach; I closed my eyes and blew it a kiss, hoping to ward off any sorrow. Ahead, the old chestnut tree, its carpet of conkers long since gone; only remnants of wizened shells remain, strewn across the grass. From the stillness, faint at first, but growing increasingly louder, a familiar sound. I scanned the skies, searching, but it wasn’t until I emerged from the lee of the trees, that I spied them; a skein of geese, honking and calling, heading west. There’s something so evocative about that sound; no matter how often I hear it, it always stops me in my tracks. I crane my neck, not wishing to miss a beat of their flight. Eventually, I made my way home, anticipating that warming mug of coffee; a magical start to the day…

“Winter is a season of recovery and preparation.” Paul Theroux

There’s been no New Year resolution setting for me, no ‘hitting the ground running’; instead I’m adopting a lesson from nature and taking my time (I fully appreciate how lucky I am to be able to do this!!), hibernating, allowing ideas to swirl around, to percolate, to settle.

Previously, I’ve chosen a ‘Word of the Year’ - but over these last years, this hasn’t served me as well as I’d hoped. Life, with all its twists and turns, throws challenges into the mix, OR, I forget the word…OR, as the year develops, the chosen word no longer feels appropriate.

Instead, prompted by a recent ‘Values’ workshop in Alice Sheridan’s Connected Artist Club, I’ve been considering how being successful in certain areas e.g. health, career, learning, fun, money etc. would ‘feel’ by the end of the year. And by ‘successful’, I don’t necessarily mean quantifiable metrics. Rather, what words would I use to reflect when things are working well, and equally, what emotions/values are present when life isn’t going as I would like…

Words such as:

happy, enthusiastic, independence, trust, connectivity, respect, validation, growth, abundance, challenge, fear, blocked, failure, doubt…

One word that cropped up in multiple areas was GENEROSITY - bear with me, there is a point to all this….

If I tell you that I was already beginning to stress out at the thought of having to come up with different content for my YouTube channel, this free Substack ‘newsletter’, and then something else for paying Substack subscribers, well, you can imagine the knots I was starting to tie myself into (not easy for an arthritic grandma I can tell you…)

And then it hit me, and here we come to the point of all this rambling. Why was I getting myself so worked up? I could just be generous and carry on sharing my Substack posts for free. No content behind a paywall. No missing out. Everything available for you to read/watch. By focusing on sharing interesting, inspiring content, then hopefully, gently, softly, slowly, this community will continue to grow…

Now, can I add here, that just mentioning money, about getting paid for my work, actually saying that I think my work is worth it, is a major step for me. I mean, I’m the person who used to apologise when asked how much my artwork cost…

So, here goes. Obviously I would really appreciate paying subscribers: I put a lot of myself into these posts, ensuring that I feel they are interesting and inspiring, which takes time and effort. But I don’t want you to feel ‘not part of the gang’ if financial support is not an option for you right now; there are other ways of supporting me, such as sharing my posts, commenting, restocking my Notes etc.

If, however, you are in a position to, and feel that my content is worth a small contribution, then subscription options are still available. Your money will go towards technical support, editing software etc., as well as giving me the time and space to continue writing and sharing these posts.

Whilst I might not have made concrete plans for the year, something I’m determined to do, is ensure I do one or more of my favourite things every day. Nothing too complicated, that might simply mean:

• Taking time over my morning coffee

• Trying to go for a walk every day - making sure I move more!

• Ensuring there is order in my environment - I can’t work in a mess…

• Pottering in my studio

• Eating more healthily - just a shame there are some Christmas chocolates/biscuits to finish…..

• Reading more…speaking of which…

I have started reading this:

…and is this serendipitous or what…?

It feels as if the universe is giving me permission to go slowly, to not worry that work isn’t being produced at a rate of knots. Clarity will come.

Which is what I’m working towards with my studio work. But first, I have to get back into the groove. First steps; coffee and a quick tidy up before doing one of my favourite exercises…. Can I just add that I would usually allow the paint to dry completely before removing the tape but a) what can I say, I’m impatient and b) it’s not the greatest tape, so I didn’t want to leave it on too long ( and yes, I know, I could’ve used a hairdryer…)

P.S. I wish I could move that fast when it comes to housework!!

And in the meantime…more mornings like this please…while we await those first signs of spring…

Winter’s gloomy night withdrawn,

Lo! the young romantic Hours

Search the hill, the dale, the lawn,

To behold the snow-drop white

Start to light,

And shine in Flora’s desert bowers,

Beneath the vernal dawn,

The Morning Star of Flowers!

James Montgomery from ‘The Snow-Drop’ (1771-1854)

Navel-gazing - possibly. Procrastination - no. This introspection has given me the space to make decisions about my art business. I feel as if a weight has lifted from my shoulders, although I still hold my breath every time I publish a post (!!!).

Until next time,