Listening to my 'little psychiatrists'...

& making some decisions.

“I love walking because it clears your mind, enriches the soul, takes away stress, and opens up your eyes to a whole new world.”

Claudette Dudley

Claudette, I agree wholeheartedly with your comment. I’ve said before about how, on first setting off for my morning walks, my head is full of random thoughts, and to-do lists. My head is down; I’m busy planning what I will do on returning home.

But gradually, I get into a rhythm; I relax. My head lifts, my shoulders drop. The sights and sounds of my surroundings begin to penetrate my consciousness. A breath of mist blanketing the earth. The glowing orb, rising earlier each day. Glorious apricot light, giving way to pale mauves and lavenders. Increasing bird song. My footprints entwined with animal and bird tracks in the soft mud. A skein of geese overhead. Blackthorn blossom, tiny stars. A sprinkling of early cherry blossom. I’ve yet to hear the skylark, but it surely won’t be long.

Pausing, I do a 360, turning slowly, aware that my mind has settled. I’m breathing in deeply, drinking in the calm quietude, grateful for the space and freedom, giving thanks…

“Walking is good for solving problems. It’s like the feet are little psychiatrists.”

Pepper Giardino

Walking on, thoughts drift, unbidden. Not random, not to-do lists, not ‘remember to call….’ But the bigger picture. Thoughts I’ve been mulling over for weeks. Thoughts about directions and focus, and future goals. As I circle round and turn for home, answers float on the breeze. Why have I been going round and round, debating, discussing, pondering, dithering…? Why have I been putting obstacles in my way? Why am I making it bigger than it is? It really is simple. Do what feels right for me now. I arrive home, decisions made. Calm and coffee await.

Where am I going with all this…?

I’m not sure a drum roll is required but…

For the last few months I’ve been struggling.

Motivation to paint has been lacking -notwithstanding the studio space issue. I’ve found myself on a hamster wheel of content creating, trying to give of my best, and then berating myself when I’ve not achieved that.

I listed all what I’d planned to do this year, and whether I was succeeding;

• Experiment with new processes - NO

• Develop a new body of work - NO

• Write a weekly Substack column - YES

• Post a weekly YouTube video - NO

• Regular posts on Instagram - SORT OF

• Keep on top of admin & website ‘tweaking’ - BARELY

• Write a monthly website blog post - WELL, for the last two months at least!

• Participate fully in groups I belong to - NO

• Get my work out in front of new audiences - NO

I was trying to do to all of the above - which, let’s be honest, was probably a tad optimistic. But I was failing. And then giving myself a hard time because of it.

I was spreading myself too thinly to do it all justice.

Something had to give.

The recent dip in confidence had weighed heavy. But as I walked, I began to re-frame the issue. No, I’m not ready for that level of expenditure at this moment.

What I can do, is re-assess my plans and goals to something more achievable. To get back to a regular studio practice. To cultivate my audience more locally. To narrow down my focus.

So how do I make that happen? What do I need?

Listening to the rhythm of my feet, my little psychiatrists, the answers and solutions emerged.

I need to get back to painting. I mean, really painting. Experimenting and playing and developing. I need to focus my attention here…

And to do that, I need time. I don’t want to be on that hamster wheel of forever thinking of new content for social media… I want the content to come from what I am creating and learning…

So I’ve made some decisions…

• I first posted on Substack back in August 2023; I’ve given it a reasonable stab. However, despite taking time (quite a lot of time…) to craft what I hope are interesting and inspiring posts, growth has plateaued. The platform, it seems, requires even more of my attention for it to move forwards. Time I would rather spend painting…. So I’ve made the decision to leave Substack. This will be happening over the next month or two. For paying subscribers, I’ll be pausing/stopping payments over the coming months - as I figure the technical side out.

• I’ll be moving my mailing list over to Flodesk (an email platform). Instead of a weekly post/email, I will be sending out one email/newsletter per month, which will contain all of my usual ramblings and photos and videos etc. If you would rather not follow me on my journey, please feel free to unsubscribe - but I really hope you don’t, as I do so enjoy your company!

• As far as social media is concerned; even though I’ll still post on Instagram, I’ve decided the focus of my attention will be my YouTube channel. Hopefully, by concentrating mainly on one platform, I’ll be able to do it justice!!

I really want to do more painting, as well as try to reach out to opportunities in my local area. To do that, I need time, and I’m hoping that the decisions above will enable me to have that time, space and energy…

I hope all this makes sense, and that you understand my rationale. Be assured that if you do remain on my mailing list, you won’t miss out on what’s happening in my studio…or on what’s been inspiring me etc.

As I said, this will all be happening over the coming couple of months, so bear with me whilst I sort out the tech stuff…

Do I feel happier now that I've made some decisions, and can see a way to move forward? Yes! Now that I’ve set some intentions, that I have some direction, I feel much more settled - and focussed.

“You cannot make progress without making decisions.” Jim Rohn

Watching as the faded bruised skies give way to molten amber there’s something so energising about the approaching spring. And with decisions made, and a refreshed focus, there’s such a feeling of gratitude - and hope.

Even though it’s only been just over a week, the thirty minute/day practice is beginning to show dividends. There’s a sense of anticipation when I step through the studio door. There’s an eagerness which hasn’t been there for a while…

“Lost isn’t forever.; it’s just a detour on the way to found.”

Jen Stephens

Until next time, happy creating!!