Overcoming avoidance...

...one splash at a time!

"For a time, I rest in the grace of the world, and am free."

Wendell Berry

Autumn. For every dour morning, she consoles me with one of such resplendence that I cannot help but stand and breathe in deeply. I turn, face the sunrise, close my eyes and let the remaining warmth wash over me.

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello, you who made the morning and spread it over the fields…Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."

Mary Oliver

Minutes pass in quiet reverence, until a sound punctuates my meditation. Rousing, I spy a smattering of crows overhead, vacating overnight roosts, flying to open farmland. I walk on, savouring the light. Movement catches my attention. Disturbed by my approach, a russet grey form takes flight; a kestrel. I watch as it circles before perching on the nearby telegraph wire. I nod in recognition, continuing down the lane.

Walking passed a small-holding my ears are assailed by the quacking and honking of ducks and geese. In the paddock, a horse ceases grazing just long enough to determine that I’m of no consequence. I reach the copse; its dark interior a stark contrast to the gentle golden rays of the sunrise. Drip, drip - ‘fog droplets’ fall from the remaining leaves, landing softly on the woodland floor; a solitary leaf twirls, slowly descending to join them. The circle is complete; the leaf returns to the earth from where it’s host has root.

As I begin to circle back home, following the track, I pause, scanning the surrounding countryside. As far as the eye can see, the land is a patchwork of fields, greens and browns, interspersed with hedgerows and small copses. Until; my eyes come to rest upon a bank of solar panels. Although aware of the need to provide alternatives to fossil fuel, aesthetically, I can’t help but see the panels as blots on the landscape; to save the earth we’re covering it with ugliness. And yet, even here nature finds a way, she adapts. I focus in on movement…a group of five fallow deer (I think) graze quietly in the lee of the panels.

I whisper farewell to the deer; the sun on my back, a gentle breeze ruffling my hair. Overhead, the call of buzzards, at my feet, a carpet of leaves. Nature has worked her magic; I’ve delighted in her beauty and refilled my well. A steaming cup of coffee beckons me home…

“She journeys with a magical step to the loving realm that knows her best, Nature.”

Angie Weiland-Crosby

The lovely Jo McCarthy - (Clarity for Creatives) - flagged up this article by Holly Howard in her latest newsletter. The section under the sub-heading ‘Nobody knows if it’s day or night’ particularly resonated with me…

• “Where do you avoid taking risks or pursuing that skillset because you fear you might fail?”

• “Where do you avoid regenerating your work and yourself out of fear of loss of identity?”

• “Where do you avoid pursuing growth out of fear that it's not "the right" thing to be doing at your age/this point in your career/fill in the blank?”

I’m going through a stage of transition, of experimentation; putting into practice some of techniques etc., I learnt on the courses I attended earlier in the year. Mixing colours, large brushes a.k.a. decorating brushes, larger sheets of paper and so on.

Still in my favourite muted shades, I LOVE these soft washes; the suggestions of landscapes, of space…

Then comes the dilemma; should I add more layers? Define certain areas? Make contrasting marks…?

And when I do…

…my immediate reaction wasn’t ‘Wow, I love that’, it was more, ‘Huh, not sure I like that’. Experience has taught me to put such pieces to one side for a day or two before taking another look - so at the moment, the jury is still out.

But in the past, this one failure would have been enough to send me scuttling back to my tried and tested work, my default setting, certain in the knowledge that I was just not good enough…

However, with Holly Howard’s words rattling around in my head, I’m persisting; this is just part of the process in my development as an artist. I won’t avoid taking a risk because I think I’ll fail. I won’t avoid ‘regenerating’ my work just because I think I’ll lose a percentage of my audience…

And in an attempt to be a little more considered about my approach and likes…I’ve even jotted a few words down to remind myself what I’m working towards.

I’m still working on the wallpaper lining paper from Screwfix, and using the Daler Rowney inks from Rapid Online. I’m getting to know the saturation point of the paper, but it’s a cheap alternative for experimenting on! I love the glossy effect of the wet ink, but it dries ‘flat’, so I need to find a way to add interest when dry…a splash of acrylic paint, a swoosh of pastel - oil or soft?

And so I go on - click here to see my latest attempt!

Inspirations this week:

• Keeping with the theme of taking risks and not giving up, I’ve been listening to The Accidental Creative podcast, particularly Episode 36 ‘Never Play It Safe’. A bit of a latecomer to this podcast, I’m enjoying working my way through the episodes.

• With Christmas rapidly approaching, I’ve been watching Andrea Schlemmer creating her cards and labels - on repeat!! Bears no relation to what I create, but it fascinates me - in fact, I would go so far as to say that it’s becoming an obsession!!

• Listening to Robert MacFarlane, one of my favourite authors, on BBC Radio 4 Desert Island Discs. This episode was recorded in 2021, but fascinating nonetheless, hearing his choices and inspirations. (Not sure if overseas readers will be able to tune in…)

Until next time, happy painting!

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