However hard, it's got to be done..

Being honest with oneself in order to move forwards.

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice.” T.S. Eliot

Is it too soon? Am I getting ahead of myself?

It’s a grey, wet November afternoon - the sun hasn’t made an appearance for days. A cup of ginger and lemon tea sends curls of steam into the air. A LEUCHTTURM1917 Notebook sits in front of me. I take a deep breath. It might only be the middle of November but I’m going to do it! I’m going to draw out my 2025 diary.

Yes, I know you can purchase ready-printed diaries, but I often find they don’t suit my needs, and lots of pages go untouched. Hence, I create my own using these particular Leuchtturm notebook. Artist Anna F MacDonald got me started with this method of ‘Bullet Journalling’ - she runs a course if you’d like to know more. As the years pass, I adapt the diary, creating useful, meaningful pages that keep me on track - mostly!

So, with Alexa playing a medley of my favourite songs - (everything from Genesis, ELO, Warren Zevon…through The Style Council, The Communards, Tears for Fears, (you can tell I was a child of the 70s/80s!) Michael Bublé, Pink, Lady A to Benson Boone - although when she streamed Chris Rea and ‘Driving Home for Christmas’ I did wonder if she was trying to tell me something) - I began.

Time whizzed by, and, after a couple of sessions, I’d finished! If you’d like to know what I put in the various segments, drop me a message.

It’s one of those jobs that, after the initial ‘setting out’, you can do on auto-pilot. So, ‘singing along’ - although I’m not sure I’d describe it as actually singing -drawing lines, my mind began to wander. And from nowhere, or perhaps it was there, deep in my sub-conscious, a ‘Word for the Year’ popped into my head.

Now, I should stress that I’ve a bit of a love/hate relationship with ‘Words/Resolutions’; each year starts with good intentions, but navigating the ups and downs inevitably leads to the ‘Word,’ and the intention behind it, going out of the window…

But, with the New Year approaching, a little self-reflection can hopefully lay foundations.

"Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.” Nido Ruben

Being honest with oneself is a start - however uncomfortable it makes me feel! Has this year (so far…), gone as I’d have liked with my art? I’d have to answer ‘No, not entirely.’ I’d describe it as ‘so-so’. Stop, start. Bursts of activity followed by slumps.

And this is where honesty comes in. Have I applied myself as diligently as I perhaps should have? No. Have I carved out regular studio time? No. Have I had an actual plan? No. Have I wallowed when sales have been low/non-existent? Yes.

Basically, have I put the hours in? No.

I understand the rhythms of my creativity; if I’m not ‘feeling’ it, I can’t force it. That only leads to a pile of ‘rubbish’ and even more reason to feel bad - and a vicious circle is born.

But, have I used those ‘non-creating’ times as pro-actively as I should have? No.

I know, enough with this self-flagellation right!! Where’s it going? Well, I said earlier, a ‘Word for the Year’ popped into my head - and what’s the word?

Consistency

When musing over the year, even if not openly acknowledging why things haven’t progressed, my subconscious knew the reasons. Publishing this Substack every week, and keeping up with my daily Duolingo French are the only constants.

I’m a big believer in listening to my instincts, and the fact that this word, totally unprompted, sprang to mind, is probably the Universe’s way of telling me something - isn’t it? Even if that’s not the case, well, that’s my Word for 2025. I’m going to write it on the front of the diary: a daily reminder…

The art of honesty:

“I think that when you're entirely honest with yourself, a door opens within, and the light unfolds, and everything painful flies away.”

April Green

For those of us who are experiencing a period of 'Stuckness’ in our creativity, here are some more thoughts:

• Artist Laura Harris looks on the feeling of being stuck as a gift…

• Marianne Mitchell tells a story…

• Helen Hallows discusses creative cycles in this blog post…

• Tara Leaver poses some questions…

• The Creative Life suggests 11 ways to getting ‘unstuck’…

I’ve never been an untidy person. I’ve always disliked it when things are in a mess, whether that’s actual things/rooms etc, or paperwork/filing and the such like. I prefer things to be organised, that way I’m free to focus on what matters. With that in mind, I’ve been continuing to tidy/declutter my studio space.

Being honest also comes into play here; how many materials have I bought with all good intentions, only for them to stay unused on the shelves…? Some I know, are just not my ‘thing’ - so why do I hang on to them? Well, the feeling like I’ve wasted my money for one thing. But I’m determined to streamline and so several items/materials have found new homes. Dried up pens and marker pens have been consigned to the bin. Paper has been sorted into the various types e.g. watercolour, cartridge etc… And sketchbooks have been divided into ‘Finished/New/Partially Used’ ones, which of course entailed peeking through them…

It’s so interesting to look back through them, remembering times and locations, what interested me then, what still interests me, and what could perhaps spark further exploration… I find they’re such valuable sources of inspiration! Are you a ‘sketchbook’ person, or do you prefer a different method of recording ideas/thoughts/inspiration?

And talking about creative spaces, here’s a post by Emily Male that highlights how carving out your own particular creative environment and rituals can help with productivity…

For me, no painting session can start without…

What else has been holding my attention this week:

• The new series of ‘Wolf Hall’ based on the books of Hilary Mantel. I’ve been binge watching the previous series, the Tudor period of history being a favourite of mine.

• The textures and colour palettes of artist KAJARD on Instagram.

• Not sure it’s that thrilling, but it’s got to be done: gathering all my account details ready for filing my tax return.

And to end this post, Mary Oliver, always a favourite, writes beautifully about the passing of autumn:

Fall Song

Another year gone, leaving everywhere
its rich spiced residues: vines, leaves,

the uneaten fruits crumbling damply
in the shadows, unmattering back

from the particular island
of this summer, this NOW, that now is nowhere

except underfoot, moldering
in that black subterranean castle

of unobservable mysteries – roots and sealed seeds
and the wanderings of water. This

I try to remember when time’s measure
painfully chafes, for instance when autumn

flares out at the last, boisterous and like us longing
to stay – how everything lives, shifting

from one bright vision to another, forever
in these momentary pastures.

Until next time, happy painting!